Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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