i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
