the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
