Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
