my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
