Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize