good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
