if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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