Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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