you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
