so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
