he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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