i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
