No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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