You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your cock deserves a montage
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
