Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
