just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
