What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
