he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
