you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize