FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
