The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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