Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
