My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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