the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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