She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
