i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
