How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
