Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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