I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
