you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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