mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
