my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize