Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
