Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
