This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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