someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
