Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am mentally ready for anal.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
