So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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