Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
