at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
