Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
