Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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