An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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