whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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