you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
