her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
