I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
