His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
