Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
