she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
