And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
