what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
