the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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