But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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