Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize