well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So much rum. So many feels.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ladies don't puke and tell
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
