so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
