She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
