He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
