Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize