maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
