Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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