forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
