just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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