i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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