Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
