Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
