you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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