what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
