Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
