sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
