I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You've changed since you got that strap on
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
