So drunk its hurt
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
