Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
