I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
