How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
