i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
