the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
should my penis look like a turkey
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize