i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
