hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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