I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
