the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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