WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
