so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize