its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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