We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize