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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
