Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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