You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
