Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
