The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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