She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
