Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
