And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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