we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
