I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
