would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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