we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
