Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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