Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
