That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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