Cold hands, warm shart.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
