Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
